Please note: I am not referring to feral or unsocialized cats. This article is for socialized, human-friendly cats who shy around strangers.
First, when bringing home a new pet, remember the rule of 3’s:
3 days to feel safe, 3 weeks to feel comfortable enough to be itself, 3 months to know your routine and feel at home. All cats need at least that much time to adjust. Some shyer cats may need a little longer to become fully integrated into your home.
Many cats, and even some kittens, are afraid of strangers. This is normal. Cats who immediately go up to people that just walked into the room are wonderful but not the norm.
There are some cats, who need days or even a week or two to be able to trust that you won't hurt them. Perhaps they had some humans in their lives that were not very kind or they didn't have enough positive human interaction before they were 8 weeks old. You may meet these kitties, and they'll hide under a piece of furniture and stare at you with saucer eyes. It's normal to feel a sense of rejection...to think the kitty doesn't like you or didn't "choose" you.
But not to worry! Every cat is different and on their own timeline, but if you take the proper steps, shy cats will come around with time.
Here are some steps to take within the first few days of being home to win these shy or fearful kitties over:
The number one rule with cats is: Don't force it! Always let them make the first move. Let them come to you and initiate any affection. If you force it, they will start to fear you.
Start them off in one small room, and set them up with food, water, and a litter box. Your bedroom is a great option AS LONG AS they cannot hide under your bed. If your bed is not blocked off, either put something around it so it is, or put them in an office or bathroom.
They should have access to one cubbie or box where they can hide, but you can still see them (and grab them if there's an emergency), and they can still see you. Kitty Casas are a great option or simply a cardboard box with holes cut out.
For the first day, leave them be. They need time to decompress in a new environment without the added stress of a stranger hanging around.
On day 2: remove food so you can start them on a feeding schedule, which will allow them to associate their new human with yummy food.
Go into the room as quietly as possible and hang out for short periods of time. Sit in the room quietly and if you make eye contact with kitty, practice a few slow blinks. Slow blinks are one way cats show affection and trust, so humans can mimic this behavior. Talk in a very quiet, slow voice. Don't make sudden movements.
When feeding the cat, stay in the room with the cat, so they know you're the food provider, and as such, can trust you. If they don't eat, pick up the food and try again later.
Spend more and more time in the room with each passing day, quietly talking to the cat and slow blinking. Set your hand gently in front of you, so they know you're up for petting them as soon as they're ready. Do your work in the room or read a book - any quiet activity that gets them used to your presence.
Try toys to see if they respond. Some cats are very toy-motivated, and wand toys are great because they're not only fun, but they're far enough from you, that the cat might feel safe enough to come out and play with it. Soon, they'll associate you with fun too.
Depending on the cat, after day 3 (or possibly sooner), they should be showing signs that they're feeling more safe. They may be popping out of hiding while you're there, or maybe they're slow-blinking back at you and playing in front of you. Once they're showing these signs, try churu treats. Most cats find them irresistible, and they allow the cat to get closer to you while being distracted. If they're eating from the tube, you can try putting some on your finger or hand.
Repeat these steps until the kitty starts coming up to you for pets. For some cats this may be days. For others it could be a week or more.
Once the cat seems comfortable, is allowing pets, and is no longer hiding a lot, you can open the door and allow supervised time outside of the room, if the cat wants to. Some cats might be ready for this by day 2, but some may need a few weeks before they get to this point.
Always allow the cat access to it's safe space to return to if it gets overwhelmed or feels afraid.
The rescue can likely give you an idea of how long it took the kitty to come around for them, what kind of environment it was, and any tricks that worked. Many cats who are shy in a shelter environment come around quickly once in a home. Don't let "shy" on a bio scare you! Shy cats will come around with time!
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